Uncivil Liberties

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Covid-19, guns, laws, liberty, protest, regulations, rights, schools, security, Taxes

I joined the protests over all the stay-at-home, business-closure, safe-distance, wear-a-mask rules the Covid pandemic has dumped on us.  Powerful stuff, but just the beginning!  We need to use the energy of this movement to confront other violations of our rights like:

Traffic Regulations:  Speed limits.  Why do we need them?  I’m a good driver.  I should be free to drive according to the situation.  For example, with so few cars on the road the last few weeks, I regularly get up to 60, sometimes 70, on city streets (even faster at night).  If I come up behind somebody poking along at 30 or 40, I pass him if the road’s clear.  All totally safe!

Same with stop-lights.  If there aren’t any other cars, or if they’re not up to the crossing yet, why stop at the red light?  It wastes gas, which means extra pollution (see, I can be an environmentalist when I feel like it).  Sure, if there’s a pedestrian or a car about to cross, I slow down, but there’ve been so few, I could drive with my eyes closed.

All I’m saying is, we’ve got a right to adjust to circumstances.  And, if there’s no such thing as speeding or running a light, we don’t need so many cops.  With fewer cops to pay, taxes could go down and, since governments will also be spending less on traffic lights, they don’t really need the money that drivers’ licenses bring in, so get rid of licenses too.  

Gun Control:  Basically the same situation as traffic.  The more you limit guns, the more you depend on the police to protect you.  If there were no limitations on guns, and everybody had one or, more to the point, if everybody assumed that everybody else had one, you wouldn’t need the police so much to keep the peace.  So, the police force gets even smaller, taxes go down more, and that’s more money that stays in our pockets.

Security Checks:  Think of the money that gets spent on security measures  — stadiums, schools, airports and all.  If we assume that anybody might have a gun, and we’re living in a kind of armistice, we don’t need all those security checks.  Together, we are the security checks.  Without that expense, costs go down, and so football tickets are cheaper, schooling is cheaper, and, with no more TSA, travel is easier, government costs go down, and so taxes can go down even more.

Schools:  Why should schooling be compulsory?  There are lots of kids who don’t want to be there, and actually cause more trouble than there’d be without them.  I’m not against learning.  I tried some once.  But the truth is that the kids who want to learn suffer from the trouble caused by the kids who don’t.

Sure, there are plenty of parents who say they couldn’t hold down a job if their kids weren’t in school.  But that’s just admitting that what they want is baby-sitters, not teachers.  So, with less need for teachers, taxes go down and maybe the laid-off teachers can get jobs (not at taxpayer expense!) as baby-sitters for the kids who aren’t in school.

Zoning Codes:  I should have a right to do what I want with my property.  Right now, my house takes up only about a third of my land.  If I want to build out to the edge, what right does anybody else have to object?  What do they think?  That I’m going to make it into a whorehouse or a rock’n roll bar?  Though, what if I did?  I have a right!

Noise Ordinances:  I  own a motorcycle.  I like to work on it, which means starting it up in my back yard.  So my neighbors complain.  I have a right to own my bike, and so I have a right to use it, and so I have a right, even an obligation, to keep it in safe running order.  Yes, it makes noise when I fix it and when I ride it, but so did the Model T back in the old days and no one told Henry Ford to put a muffler on it or they’d shut down his factory!

Shouting “FIRE” in a Crowded Theater:  Of course, there’s no chance to do that now, with all of them closed.  But, when they re-open, I think I’ll give it a try.  Yeah, it’ll probably empty the place, but that’s the idea. Then, I won’t have to worry about someone sitting too close to me and maybe infecting me and killing me.

I’ll take my chances with the cops and the feds and the judges.  If I can’t live free, “Sweet Land of Liberty” might as well just be words in some song!

The IRS in Peace and War

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charities, irs scandal, public relations, rupert murdoch, social welfare organizations, Taxes, tea party, the koch brothers

For decades, I’ve been Public Relations chief at the IRS.  You may know some of my work — Taxes are Your Friend episodes on Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, the Free Cigar offer when you land on the Income Tax square in Monopoly, and the handwritten thank-you letter you receive each May.

My most important work, however, came out of my insight that Americans’ antipathy to taxes is mainly ignorance.  The public doesn’t realize the good their taxes do, I told the Commissioner, because successes — reliable air travel, a safe and secure food supply — are what doesn’t happen.

Every April 15, I went on, my parents and I recycle the same old routine — they take a picture of themselves, smiling as they mail their return, because ‘it all goes into our son’s salary.’  This is how you personalize taxes.  Give everyone a sense of ownership, a stake, with a face or a place or a name, and proof — a picture, a certificate — of where their money went.  Get them to think of their taxes as a donation to their most cherished cause.

The Commissioner liked the idea, and we did a few test runs, usually with gratifying results: the Chicago schoolteacher who drove to Arizona to get a shot of himself with his part of the Border Fence; the Denver bus driver who has lunch with her experimental solar panel at the National Renewable Energy Lab; the Laramie widow who daily checks the video feed of her Bald Eagle nest in Yellowstone.

Yes, there were some glitches:  the man who broke into Fort Knox to spend the night cuddling his gold bar; the woman who wanted a fifth of a Maryland Congressman and wouldn’t let go; the Kansas man who parked overnight on his section of Interstate 70.

We were making great progress on this when, Bam!, the Cincinnati office gets caught sticking it to the Tea Party and the IRS falls behind Child Molesters Anonymous in the ratings wars.

It’s true that the Tea Party is nakedly political, and as far from the 501(c)(4) definition of a Social Welfare Organization as a Mel Brooks movie is from tasteful and refined.  But trying to get them re-categorized for what they really are would dig the hole even deeper.

What’s needed is political smarts, PR common sense, and a little imagination. Tea Partiers are not heartless.  They obviously love wolves, so funnel their taxes to predator protection in our National Parks and Forests (a postcard of a cute little wolf cub wouldn’t hurt).  They’re strong supporters of the military, so let them adopt a veteran by designating their taxes to the VA, and make sure the vet sends a thank-you note.

We can even turn the biggies around:  oil and gas subsidies aren’t going away, so funnel the Koch brothers’ taxes into it and call it the ‘Things Go Better with Koch’ Fund.  Rupert Murdoch, the same.  His media consolidations are unstoppable, so accept reality, change the name of the FCC to Fresh Air and let him fund it.  Before you know it, every right-winger is convinced that taxes are simply a charitable donation to a pet cause.

By the way, we did not have this conversation                

I Paid it My Way

Tags

business expenses, capital gains, deductions, medical expenses, Mel Brooks, Mitt Romney, Presidential campaign checkoff, tax returns, Taxes

I don’t understand the fuss about Mitt Romney’s enormous earnings and his little tiny taxes.  He’s just living the American dream, giving life to some of his investments and the kiss of death to others, and helping sharpen the debate about the national deficit.

We should stop pissing and moaning, and listen to Mel Brooks, who, with Carl Reiner in The Tax Expert, explains that he pays only $1.40 on an income of $100,000.  How can that be? Reiner asks.  I take the entire nation of Romania as dependents, Brooks responds.  How can you do that? Reiner asks.  I send them things — old socks, Time magazines, chocolate pudding, and, besides, nobody else is claiming them.

If you wanna be like Mitt, think like Mel.  I have, and it has taken pounds of ugly fat off my tax bill.  For example:

1. I deduct the cost of food as a medical expense:  If you don’t eat, you die.  What could be worse for your health than death?  Food is just medicine that happens to go well with beer.

2. From my income, I subtract lottery jackpots that I might have won, but didn’t:  You have to declare gambling and lottery winnings as income.  If I win the lottery, the government shares in my good luck … a lot.  If my luck is bad, they should also share … a lot.

3. I do not check the Presidential Campaign Election option:  I know the form says doing so will not change my tax or refund, but I recently saw the IRS Commissioner interviewed on TV.  He was laughing, and I know why.

4.  I deduct from my Adjusted Gross Income certain business expenses of performing artists:  I was singing in the shower recently.  I got so wrapped up in the surround sound that I was late for work at the car dealership and missed a big commission that went to another salesman.  I don’t have to spell it out, do I?

5.  I include my neighbor’s capital losses, but not his capital gains, on my return:  Curiously, the stock tips I gave him went sour whereas his broker’s suggestions did well.  Just as I should not take credit for the gains I didn’t suggest, I should take responsibility for the losses I’ve caused.  It’s a simple moral obligation.

So, let’s not jump on Mitt.  He’s only doing what we should be savvy enough to do for ourselves.  In fact, I’ve offered to make this point on the campaign trail with him. I haven’t heard from his people yet, though they may have called and I just couldn’t get to the phone in time.