• Seriously (or Humorously), Who Am I?

Shiny and Spanglered

~ Maybe a laugh can illuminate life.

Shiny and Spanglered

Tag Archives: National Socialist Movement

The Fuhrer Adopts a Highway

03 Monday Sep 2012

Posted by Shiny and Spanglered in American Life, Humor, Political commentary, Satire, Social Commentary

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Adopt-a-Highway, Colorado, DOT, free speech, gays, lesbians, litter, National Socialist Movement, Neo-Nazis, roadside cleanup, trash, white trash

images-4Not long ago, Coloradans woke up to discover that a local Neo-Nazi group, the National Socialist Movement (NSM) Denver Unit, had been accepted into the Colorado Department of Transportation’s Adopt-a-Highway program and assigned a mile of road near Denver to keep clean.  The local NSM boys stoutly denied that the application was a second choice after their Plant-a-Tree-in-Israel proposal had been shot down by national leadership.

The move prompted a mild outcry.  The DOT responded that denying their application would have violated the Nazis’ constitutional rights, though it did accede to the protest of a multiracial church and moved the Waffen Clean-Up Brigade down the road, away from the church’s front door.

But, Constitution and accommodation aside, was giving them adoption rights so wrong?

The Brown Shirts just wanted what every red-blooded American wants — good PR — something that, interestingly, the local gay and lesbian community has in spades, thanks to the Gay and Lesbian Fund’s savvy donations to youth- and family-friendly causes.  You could almost hear our Sieg Heil brothers gnashing their few remaining teeth: Them pansies and dykes ain’t gonna make fools outa us! 

And, indeed, what grounds could be used to deny the Nazis their adoption rights that couldn’t also be used against the gays and lesbians?  You could argue that the Nazis are intolerant and exclusive, and gays are tolerant and inclusive.  But you could also say that gays and lesbians don’t exactly welcome the Storm Troopers with open arms.  And what of evangelicals, who may hate Hitlerites almost as much as they loathe Sodomites?

With such a slippery slope, probably the only defensible grounds for banning the Nazis would be their proven inability to do the job.  But, for a group that wallows in filth, and for whom Trash is almost a family name (many of them also share the same first name — White), this kind of work must be their briar patch.

Besides, think of the probable benefits:

At Least One Mile of Really Clean Road:  This is a group that has a lot at stake.  They know that, if their mile is anything less than spotless, their public approval rating goes negative:  Mussolini at least made the trains run on time, but these ninnies can’t even pick up a Coke can.

Maybe Many Miles of Really Clean Road:  No Rotary Club or Friends of the Earth that’s already in the program will want their stretch of road compared unfavorably with the Fascist Freeway. If the Nazis make their roadside attractive enough for a picnic, their rivals will have to make theirs clean enough to eat off — a competitive frenzy, with Nazi and anti-Nazi eagerly cleaning the public toilet to prove their worth.

Maybe Even a Few Reformed Neo-Nazis:  If you have ever been involved in a roadside clean-up campaign, you know that trash knows no political, ethnic, or religious boundaries.  Liberals and conservatives, Caucasians and African-Americans, Christians and Jews toss, lob, and chuck.  Everyone is a slob.  If littering were a business, it would be the quintessential equal opportunity employer.

Think of what an enlightening influence the anonymity of garbage could have on our little band of bigots.  Was it an elderly Mexican-American woman or a five-year-old descendant of the Pilgrims who tossed that half-consumed Mountain Dew?  Was it an imam or a rabbi who chucked that snot-filled Kleenex?  Was it a rich Philadelphia lawyer or even one of their own who heaved that used family-planning device?  It was all of the above.

While there is some danger that the experience would simply confirm theimages-5 Goose-Steppers’ loathing of all mankind, they would have to include even their own brethren in their Hate Parade.  In time, they would see that, underneath superficial differences, we’re really all alike.  We have met the enemy and he is us.

Let’s do a little experiment.  I have a carpet that … well, let’s just say the dog had a really bad day, and it’s been out by the back fence, in the rain.  We can get it into the flatbed and push it off in the dark.  An anonymous call the next morning.  I’m betting they’ll be on it like a vulture on a squashed skunk.

Archives

  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • November 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • July 2012
  • June 2012
  • May 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012
  • February 2012
  • January 2012
  • December 2011
  • November 2011
  • October 2011

Blogroll

  • The Itty Bitty Bloghorn

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Cancel
Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy