Altered Boys

Tags

altar boys, Catholic Church, choir boys, pedophiles, Pope Francis, predators, priests

I escaped the predators.  Others may not have.

The sports I played as a kid, mainly baseball and hockey, didn’t lend themselves to closed-door conferences with coaches.  And dads were ever-present.

I gave Boy Scouts a try, but our leaders were idiots and I quit.     

Most important, I wasn’t an altar- or choir-boy.  Unitarians didn’t qualify.

But I wasn’t completely oblivious.  In our neighborhood-kids’ grapevine, vague allusions to priests and the boys who served them occasionally circulated.  We laughed unknowingly knowingly.

There were also rumors about what might happen if you rubbed a certain organ in a certain way.  But that was premature.  The possibility that, God forbid, someone else might help with the rubbing, or that you might help someone else, didn’t arise.

Whatever dark secrets were floating about, I was too busy to care.  There was too much else to do.  The neighborhood was filled with kids and we lived outdoors, in the cornfields across the street, in the creek up the street, in the swamp near the creek, in the woods up the hill, in the abandoned quarry at the top of the hill.

Some of us were Catholic, some were not.  We all knew who was what.  It didn’t make any difference when we were bashing through our pagan Eden, with its occasional perils (especially the quarry walls), but, at least, no predators.

It wouldn’t have occurred to us that some of our mates might be safer there than a mile away, at St. James, in God’s anointed sanctuary, in the hands of the priests.

This isn’t an attack on St. James.  I have no idea if anything bad happened there.  It’s not a call to substitute organized religion with some kind of youthful paganism (keep Lord of the Flies in mind).

And it’s not an attack on the Catholic Church.  It’s simply an appeal to human decency and common sense.

The Church is as capable of good as it is of evil.  It has the history and the horsepower to make a difference in human lives.  It also, now, has a Pope who seems genuinely to care as much about people’s physical and psychic needs as their spiritual well-being.

Please, Francis, be sensible.  Open the priesthood to married men and to women!  The notion of a celibate priesthood is a sick joke.  In a battle between Sex and God, Sex will usually win.

The change wouldn’t guarantee an end to scandals, but at least it might warn aspirants that the church is not their personal pick-up bar, and allow a growing number of priests to satisfy their urges within the bounds of church doctrine, the law, and sensible morality.

Perhaps, then, the Church might, with an easy conscience, allow its priests to lead its children among the fields, the swamps, the woods, and the hills where godliness also lives.

When Xi Met Francis

Tags

capitalism, Catholic Church, China, climate change, Communism, Congress, Pope Francis, poverty, Speaker of the House, Vatican, Xi Jinping

It didn’t make the papers, but Xi Jinping and Pope Francis actually met during their recent visits to the U.S. It was Saturday, September 26, in the VIP Lounge at JFK, as Xi was arriving from Washington and Francis was heading to Philadelphia.

Francis was supposed to leave before Xi arrived, but he was delayed and Xi arrived early. Their staffs were off sorting out the complications and the two, desperate for a coffee, accompanied only by their interpreters, happened to meet at the hospitality counter:

 

Ah, Pope, I am Xi.

Yes, yes, and I am Francis. But I see that you really are a ‘he’ not a ‘she.’ Ha ha, my first joke in English.

Oh, yes, I ‘she.’  Ha ha, also my first joke in English.

Very good!  But, let us continue in our native tongues, since we have interpreters fluent in both Spanish and Mandarin, by some miracle.

Miracle? In China, we would have called it the logical result of meticulous long-range planning.

I see … and I see you are a coffee lover.

Yes, when Starbucks opened a shop in the Forbidden City, I was hooked. Great coffee and service with a smile. Three cheers for Capitalism.

Capitalism? But I thought you were a Communist!

Well, let’s not get hung up on semantics. For that matter, I thought you were a Communist. Ha ha.

Ah, yes, some American politicians have called me that, but it is simply my concern for the poor and for our beleaguered planet.

We have much in common. And how has your trip been?

Oh, very good. My speech to Congress was well-received, though, curiously, the Speaker of the House was constantly crying. I hope it wasn’t anything I said.

I don’t think so. My people tell me he is just overwrought and, in fact, may resign. It’s the constant battles within his party, and also between the parties, that have pushed him to the brink.

Ah, that may explain why one side stood, clapping, and the other sat silently when I said one thing, and then the other side stood while the rest sat, when I said another. I thought I was at an Argentina vs. Brazil futbol match. They just can’t agree on anything.

Unlike in the Catholic church, I’d imagine.

Oh, no, far from it. It’s a snake-pit. Every day is a struggle against corruption, abuse, narrow-mindedness.

Just like our Politburo. But at least you have an ideology that you all believe in. I’ve got nothing but a giant portrait of Mao that I couldn’t sell for junk, plus the Almighty Yuan, which is ok when the economy is doing well, but as useless as yesterday’s toilet paper when things are going bad.  

Capitalism can be a false God. Might Christianity be of help? It can be a great source of comfort, especially in times of stress.

I don’t think so. Christians can be real trouble-makers, each thinking he has found the Truth, and each with a different version of the Truth.

Well, I do agree that indiscipline on such emotional issues can be dangerous. People often misinterpret my social message as encouraging them to think for themselves on issues better left to us theologians. But I should ask you about your trip. Has it been successful?

Oh, rather mixed, though we and the U.S. do see eye-to-eye on climate change.

Good! Our planet is our sacred mother and it is our duty to protect her.

Well, I’m not sure about ‘sacred.’ For us, it’s simple pragmatism. If we can’t get the air and water clean, it will be a question of which comes first — the population all dead or their kicking us out on our — may I be crude? — asses.

Ah, yes, just like Jesus throwing the money-changers out of the temple, on that part of their anatomy. But, was climate change the only thing you could agree on?

Pretty much. The Americans claim we are stealing their business secrets, but I told them, honestly, we do not commit such acts and do not condone it by others.

Now, now! I’ve been a priest all my life, and I’ve heard tens of thousands of confessions. Very little gets past me.

OK, OK, nobody’s perfect.

Jesus was.

Perhaps, but he only had to look after people’s souls, not wheat harvests, coal production, typhoons, train schedules, labor unrest … Oh, God!

Amen!

Authority and Authoritarianism

Tags

abortion, authoritarianism, authority, Catholic Church, contraception, doctrine, faith, gays, hope, liberals, non-Catholics, pope benedict, Pope Francis, religion, rules, vox papae, vox populi

If, like me, you are non-Catholic and socially liberal, has it been slightly disorienting to find yourself cheering Pope Francis for his interview comments about the Church’s treatment of contraception, abortion, and homosexuality?

If we’re a little bewildered, it may be because we’re rooting for the A-Rod and the Yankees of the religious major leagues, the most powerful person in a powerful, influential, relentlessly hierarchical institution.  In the interview, Francis sounds like the humblest parish priest.  But a Pope is still the God-Father.

To make it even squirmier, we’re probably cheering, not in spite of the Church’s authoritarianism, but because of it.  After all, if the Pope had the same influence over his flock that John Boehner has over House Republicans, we wouldn’t give him the time of day.

Now, isn’t this an uncomfortable dilemma!  A bunch of liberals apparently conniving at authoritarianism.

But, perhaps we shouldn’t apologize too strenuously.  Maybe a little authoritarianism isn’t really so bad.  Parents know it isn’t.  Teachers are pretty sure it isn’t.  The inmates of my fantasy re-education camp for litterers have been forced to acknowledge that it isn’t.

As a nation, would we have made the same progress on civil rights if the federal government hadn’t cracked the whip?  On environmental cleanup, if emissions standards hadn’t been mandated?

So, where’s the balance?  I think it’s in finding the genuine authority within authoritarianism.  Pope Benedict was an authority on doctrine and rules, but not on the dilemmas and pains of the human heart.  He ruled by fiat.  Vox Papae over Vox Populi.  Edict over Bene. 

Francis, on the other hand, speaks first of the heart.  He understands that religion is barren if it doesn’t welcome, console, and inspire.  Still, he is very careful not to reject doctrine or rules (and, lest we liberals over-interpret, he does not say that the Church’s teachings on sexuality and procreation are wrong, just that they shouldn’t monopolize the conversation; nor does he promise a new role in the Church for women, saying simply that the question is vital and demands further investigation).

This is not Vox Populi over Vox Papae.  Rather, it’s Francis’s recognition that the voice of the Church must take account of the voice of the people, that its moral authority rests on its ability to listen, but also on its duty to fashion doctrine and rules that are right, temporally and eternally.  Authoritarianism tempered by authority, and vice versa.

Karl Malden, as Father Barry in On the Waterfront, matched compassion with muscle.  You’ve probably seen the movie.  Now, see how Francis plays it.  Read the whole interview (at americamagazine.org/pope-interview).  It may not be life-or-death drama, but then, maybe it is.

Jesus Does the Dishes

Tags

Catholic Church, Christianity, disciples, Evangelicals, God, history of religion, Jesus, lepers, Mary Magdalen, miracles, money-changers, priesthood, Son of God, Temple

The revelation that a Fourth Century papyrus fragment depicts Jesus referring to my wife and claiming that she will be able to be my disciple has caused a stir.

Commentators speculate that the Catholic Church, whose celibate male priesthood is modeled on an unmarried Jesus and his unisex Apostles, may need to reconsider its organizational model.  Some expect Evangelicals to be relieved that the Lord, who seemed to spend a suspicious amount of time with men, was demonstrably hetero, and that, if his wife was also his disciple, she must have honored and obeyed her Lord and master.

Before we get carried away, we should remember that the document was written centuries after the time of Jesus, by God knows who, with God knows what ax to grind.  And it’s just a fragment, with possibly as much resemblance to its source as a book-jacket blurb has to the original book review.

Let’s face it.  The best we’ll get out of this historical curiosity is the chance to speculate what a day in the life of a married Jesus might have been like:

Honey, I’m home.  

Oh darling, you look awful. I was so worried when I heard you drove the money-changers out of the Temple.  Can’t you think of me when you start brawling like that?  And anyway, why do you want to bully decent, hard-working Judeans who are just trying to make an honest shekel.  Really, you act like you think you’re the Son of God.

But I am the Son of God!

Yeah, right!  You put your robe on one sleeve at a time, like everyone else.  And what’s this I hear about you cleansing a leopard?

Leper!

OK, leper.  You didn’t actually touch him, did you?

Well, duh, if I was going to cleanse him, I had to touch him, didn’t I? You can’t cleanse by remote control.

Don’t get sarcastic with me, Mr. Change-the-water-into-Wine.  You know, leprosy is a communicable disease!

But it’s not like a cold.  It takes long-term contact.

Keep cleansing a whole bunch of lepers for a few months, and it’ll happen, mark my words.  Why can’t you think about me and the kid?

Kid?  We don’t have a kid.  Are you telling me you’re ….

No … well, maybe … I’m not sure.  I missed my …

Oh God, I’m going to be a Father.  But, how can I be the Son and the Father at the same time?  Will my boy be the Son of the Son of God, or maybe grow up to be the Son of God?  But, what am I saying, what if my boy is a girl?  (Jesus almost breaks into song, but is brought back to reality)  Oy, what a muddle.  Maybe I should talk to the man upstairs.

You’re going to talk to God again?  When do I get equal time?

No, Isaac, up on the third floor.  He’s got experience.  He has begat lots of …

It’s begotten, not begat.

Whatever.  Listen, more important, I’ve got to go out tonight, to meet with my disciples and …

Thanks for letting me know.  What about me?  Am I a disciple or not?  Besides, it’s Friday, the beginning of the S-A-B-B-A-T-H, remember?  You’ve got chickens to pluck and services to attend tonight.

OK, OK, I’ll go now and be back in time to pluck and take you to temple.  But, on the disciple question, the guys were thinking that … well … y’know … it’s just that … I know I said you are able … and you really are … but they’re used to women being separated … like at temple … and they just don’t feel they can open up like they really want to if, y’know … and anyway, discipling is really a guy thing.

You listen to me and listen carefully.  If you welsh on your promise to me, you’ll wish you had a Roman centurion on your case.  You’re a revolutionary.  You’re a leader.  Act like one, Godammmit!

Not a revolutionary.  I never said that.  An evolutionary, a reformer, but not a revolutionary.  And wasn’t it you who just said easy does it with the whole knock-people-over-the-head thing?   Make up your mind.

Look, this is getting us nowhere.  We’ll talk about it later.  Go off to your big meeting, but be back in time to pluck the chickens and go to temple.  And don’t forget, you’ve got to wash the dishes.

Christ Almighty!

That’s what you think!