• Seriously (or Humorously), Who Am I?

Shiny and Spanglered

~ Maybe a laugh can illuminate life.

Shiny and Spanglered

Tag Archives: Bible

Sin and Sincerity

18 Thursday Apr 2013

Posted by Shiny and Spanglered in American Life, Humor, Personal History, Religion and Society, Social Commentary

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abortion, Bible, catholics, church of christ, coffee, comfy chair, doing good, faith, faith and works, gays, inquisition, jews, missionaries, mormons, presbyterians, salvation, sin, social gospel, un-comfy chair, unitarians

images-3On my rounds putting up concert posters for my choral group, I regularly stop at local churches, synagogues, and coffee-houses. The coffee-houses win the Warm Welcome Prize hands down, but the Presbyterians, Evangelicals, and Church of Christers are close. The Catholics and Jews are ok — locked doors, but, once inside, the reception is reasonably friendly.

The mightiest fortress is the Unitarians.  You’d think they were guarding our gold supply.  Though it’s just one church, this saddens, but doesn’t surprise me, an erstwhile Unitarian.  Unitarianism is a flinty faith, really no faith at all, since human reason is its Bible and skepticism its catechism.  No dogma, no saints, but also no heretics.  If the Inquisitors had been Unitarians, torture would have been The Un-Comfy Chair.

These are admittedly limited encounters, but could they reflect differing attitudes toward missionizing?  Many Protestants are active missionizers.  They want to save souls, which starts with a smile, a hearty handshake, and a name badge.  Catholics are a little more cautious, perhaps because ethnicity is still an element of the faith (you can convert to Catholicism but not to Irishism or Polishism).  Judaism is staunchly non-missionizing.  Though you can convert, being a Jew is more genealogy than doctrine.  A non-believing Jew is still a Jew.  Ask a Cossack.

Unitarians, too, are non-missionizers.  Not that they wouldn’t, but that they can’t —  no hell to save you from, or heaven to save you for; no Christ to absolve your sins, nor any doctrine of sin from which to absolve you.  This was parodied hilariously in a Prairie Home Companion Joke Show:  What do you get when you cross a Unitarian with a Seventh-Day-Adventist?  Someone who knocks on people’s doors … for …  no … apparent … reason.

I agree with the Unitarian non-theology that considers God unknowable and Jesus simply a great man.  Still, self-styled intellectual superiority doesn’t excuse the closed door or the smugness that comes with smashing icons. What’s the matter with a little missionary-brand warmth, even if it’s only, Hi and welcome.  I can’t promise you an afterlife of eternal bliss, but how about some heavenly coffee that’ll at least give you a 30-minute buzz.

Though I can’t subscribe to the Biblical God, with or without Jesus Christ, I wouldn’t arbitrarily condemn the faiths founded thereon.  What real difference does it make what you believe, as long as you act rightly?

Take Mormonism, for example.  What little I know about Mormon theology utterly baffles me.  But I have also known and worked with a lot of Mormons, and found them to be good, warm people (though short on the coffee).  Because of?  In spite of?  Who cares?

Religiously-inspired social/political activism is a vital part of doing the right thing.  But here, beyond the simple person-to-person imperatives of being loving and kind, peaceful and generous, the question of acting rightly according to one’s religious lights gets complicated.

If the result is the anti-gay efforts of some Evangelicals, the answer seems simple — whatever the Bible may say, being hateful to those who are causing no harm to anyone is wrong.  If the result is the anti-abortion stance of the Catholic Church, answering the question — Which is the greater act of love and kindness, protecting a mother’s life (in all the meanings of “protection” and “life”) or that of an unborn child? — is anything but simple.  Nonetheless, the criteria are still:  whatever dogma may say, is the deed loving, kind, peaceful, and generous?

Even an unbeliever like me sometimes longs for a Judgment Day, when the sortingimages-2 would stand, not on whether Jesus saved you or you made the pilgrimage to Mecca, but whether (and to paraphrase a saying my mother stuck on the fridge), you have done something good for someone who will never be able to repay you.  Otherwise, the wages of being non-loving, non-peaceful, and unkind — especially to someone who is in a position to repay you — may be … well, just ask the guy on the right.

The Gospel According to Seinfeld

29 Friday Jun 2012

Posted by Shiny and Spanglered in American Life, Humor, Justice and Injustice, Personal History, Social Commentary

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Bible, charity, enemies, evil, family, friends, good, hate, heaven, hell, lies, love, lust, punishment, reward, Seinfeld, selfishness, truth, vices, virtues

imagesA century ago, the Bible was the moral and metaphorical lodestar for many Americans:  “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God” (Matthew 9:24); “The Good Samaritan” (Luke 10:25-37); “The Patience of Job” (James 4); “Eat my shorts” (Bart 12:22)

These Biblical lessons and expressions are still part of our makeup and our vocabulary.  But, to me, who spends more time watching Seinfeld re-runs than my grandmother spent reading Genesis, Seinfeld is an equally rich source of moral insight and memorable catch-phrase, with a lot more laughs than Leviticus.

I suspect I am not alone.  This may say something about the future of America, but I judge not (that I be not judged).  I simply report what I see, and seek to understand the implications for the common weal.  Let us consider, in no apparent order of logic or importance:

Love:   Bible:  “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.”  (Romans 13:9);   Seinfeld:  “What’s the matter?”  “It’s Patty.”  “… you break up with a girl every week.”  “What … what is this salty discharge?”  “Oh my God.  You’re crying.”  “This is horrible!  I care!”  (Elaine & Jerry:  the Serenity Now episode;  97-98 season, episode #159, hereinafter Serenity Now 97-8:159)

Hate:   Bible:  “An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.” (Matthew 5:38); Seinfeld:  “No soup for you!”  (The Soup Nazi  95-6:115)

Good:   Bible:  “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works.”  (Hebrews 10:24);  Seinfeld:  “Who else would’ve gone through the trouble of helping this poor immigrant?  I AM special.  My mother was right.”  (Jerry, thinking about his advice to Babu Bhatt: The Cafe  91-2: 24)

Evil:   Bible: “Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.”  (Matthew 7:15); Seinfeld: “Newman!!!” (Various)

Acceptance:   Bible: “To everything there is a season, and time to every purpose under heaven.” (Ecclesiastes 3:18);  Seinfeld: “But I don’t WANT to be a pirate.”  (Jerry: The Puffy Shirt  93-4:66)

Human Sexuality:   Bible: “Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.”  (Leviticus 18:22);  Seinfeld: “There’s been a big misunderstanding here … we’re not gay.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”  (Jerry (and George): The Outing  92-3:57)

Human Shortcomings:   Bible: “How are the mighty fallen and the weapons of war perished!”  (Samuel 1:27);  Seinfeld: “I just got back from swimming in the pool.  And the water was cold …”  “Oh, you mean … shrinkage.”  “Yes.  Significant shrinkage!”  (George & Jerry: The Hamptons  93-4:85)

Solidarity:   Bible: “And Jesus … said unto them … every city or house divided against itself shall not stand.” (Matthew 12:25);  Seinfeld: “If Relationship George walks through this door, he will kill Independent George.  A George divided against itself cannot stand.” (George: The Pool Guy  95-6:118)

Family:   Bible: “But if anyone does not provide for … members of his household, he has denied the faith …” (1 Timothy 5:8);  Seinfeld: “Mandelbaum, Mandelbaum, Mandelbaum.”  (Izzy, Izzy Jr, Izzy Sr: The English Patient  96-7:151)

Charity:   Bible: “ … remember the words of the Lord Jesus, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ” (Acts 20:35);  Seinfeld: “There’s something strange about this girl … she’s too good … I mean she’s giving and caring and genuinely concerned about the welfare of others – I can’t be with someone like that.”  (Jerry: The Sponge  95-6:119)

Balm:  Bible: “Is there no balm in Gilead?”  (Jeremiah 8:22);  Seinfeld: “You put the balm on?  Who told you to put the balm on?  I didn’t tell you to put the balm on.  Why’d you put the balm on? … If you’re gonna put a balm on, let a doctor put the balm on.”  (Kramer’s lawyer, Jackie, to Kramer: The Maestro  95-6:113)

Honesty:   Bible: “Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make ye free.” (John 8:32);  Seinfeld: “Just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.” (George: The Beard  94-5:102)

Self-Control:   Bible: “Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”  (Matthew 26:41);  Seinfeld: “ … my brain is facing my penis in a chess game.  And I’m letting him win.”  (Jerry: The Nose Job  91-2:26)

Self-Gratification:   Bible: “And Onan … when he went in to his brother’s wife … spilled his seed on the ground …”  (Genesis 38:9);  Seinfeld: “I go out for a quart of milk, I come home, and find my son treating his body like it was an amusement park.”  (George’s mother, to George: The Contest  92-3:51)

The Staff of Life:   Bible: “And Jesus said unto them, ‘I am the bread of life.’ ”  (John 6:35);  Seinfeld: “Who’s gonna turn down a Junior Mint?  It’s chocolate, it’s peppermint, it’s delicious … it’s very refreshing.” (Jerry & Kramer: The Junior Mints  92-3:60)

Compassion:   Bible: “And the Lord said unto Cain, where is Abel thy brother?  And he said, I know not:  Am I my brother’s keeper?”  (Genesis 4:9);  Seinfeld: “So you feel ‘women and children first’ … is … an antiquated notion … it’s every man, woman, child and invalid for themselves.”  “In a manner of speaking.”  (Jerry & George: The Fire  93-4:84)

Justice:   Bible: “Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.”  (Galatians VI);  Seinfeld: (All four watch and joke as a carjacking takes place)  Police Officer: “You’re under arrest.”  Elaine: “ … No, no, we didn’t do anything.”  Officer: “That’s exactly right.  The law requires you to help or assist anyone in danger … it’s called the Good Samaritan Law.  Let’s go.”  (Finale, Part I  97-8:179)

Apart from some of the more theologically abstruse questions like the Holy Ghost and the Virgin Birth, the Bible does a good, common-sense job of grappling with the dilemmas of daily life, and tosses in a lot of quotable quotes.  Who could argue with being loving, peaceful, truthful, charitable, compassionate, honest, rational, self-controlled, and just?

Seinfeld covers much the same moral ground as the Bible, but in its own Bizarro World — lustful, dishonest, selfish, petty, superficial, self-gratifying — what most of us would like to be if we could avoid the consequences of our misguided ways.  It’s true that occasionally Jerry & Co. say they would like to do the right thing —  “… we’re like children…”  “Why can’t I be normal?”  “It would be nice to care about someone.”  “Yes!  Yes!  Care!” (The Engagement 95-6:111), but we know they don’t really mean it.

Such flouting of our God-given norms probably should dismay me.  But, like staring at cleavage (The Shoes 92-3: 56), I can’t stop watching the depravity.  I like to think that observing such bad behavior is a catharsis that will open me to the Bible’s moral lessons.  It hasn’t happened yet, and, if I don’t change my ways soon, I’ll probably burn in Hellimages-11, “with devils and all those caves, and the ragged clothing.” (The Burning; 97-8: 172)  It’ll be tough, but there’s a reasonable chance Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer will be there and, if we can still laugh at “No soup for you” or “Mandelbaum, Mandelbaum, Mandelbaum,” I think we can bear it together.  As the Rabbi, the Priest, and the Minister said as they walked into the bar, “A Good Laugh Assuageth Sin.” (John 06:28:2012)

Archives

  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • November 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • July 2012
  • June 2012
  • May 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012
  • February 2012
  • January 2012
  • December 2011
  • November 2011
  • October 2011

Blogroll

  • The Itty Bitty Bloghorn

Blog at WordPress.com.

Cancel
Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy