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Desperate to protect myself against the Coronavirus, I have tested, but found wanting, the standard defenses:  liquid sanitizers, medicinal wipes, compulsive hand-washing, a large No Soliciting sign on the front door, hiding in the dark under my bed.

I considered a mask, and did extensive research, but concluded that the regular design would not be effective.

In the course of my research, however, a simple Google request for masks did produce a remarkable trove from cultures, worldwide, that have used masks for protection from evil spirits and other malign forces.

I considered, but ultimately rejected, a number of possibilities:

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Too Benign

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Too Frivolous

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Too Welcoming

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Too Apprehensive

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Too Friendly

I considered a few that seemed appropriately threatening:

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Darkly Forbidding

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Unpredictably Ferocious

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Unambiguously Diabolical

But, in the end, the choice came down to two:

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Utterly Repulsive

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Thoroughly Repugnant

I have tried both, and they work magnificently.  Even those who might want to attack me keep their distance, and it’s much more than the recommended six feet!