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Shiny and Spanglered

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Shiny and Spanglered

Monthly Archives: December 2013

Bite the Bullet

18 Wednesday Dec 2013

Posted by Shiny and Spanglered in American Life, Justice and Injustice, Political commentary, Social Commentary

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Arapahoe, aurora, Colorado, columbine, Gun Control, gun violence, murder, NRA, school violence, Second Amendment

images-1On December 13, 2013, Colorado hosted yet another unspeakable act — the invasion of Arapahoe High School by one of its own students, armed with a shotgun, a machete, and three incendiary devices, who shot and gravely injured a fellow student, detonated one of the devices, and killed himself.

It is difficult not to get emotional and demand immediate political action.  But I am a pragmatist who believes that repeal of the Second Amendment or the perpetration of a similarly unspeakable act at a meeting of the NRA Board of Directors are not yet realistic goals and might, in one instance at least, be illegal.

Rather, we should treat gun violence for what it really is, and with that new perspective, persuade the influential and powerful of the stark threat this cancer poses to their — our — vital interests.  Only by coolly and methodically mobilizing these forces will we be able to CONSIGN THE NRA FUCKERS AND THEIR FUCKING BULLY-BOY LACKEYS TO ETERNAL FUCKING PERDITION.

In short, we need to recognize that this most recent attack, like its home-grown forebears — Columbine, Platte Canyon, Deer Creek, Aurora — is terrorism.  None was politically motivated, but all will affect the way we think and behave, much as if an al-Qaeda suicide bomber, with malign political intent, had been the perpetrator:

— They will undermine our confidence in the safety of our schools, our theaters, and ultimately, a range of public institutions and venues;

— They will shake our confidence that it can’t happen to us.

We are resilient.  Our children will return to school.  We will go to the movies, walk and bike our streets and paths, play in public parks.  But we are not fools.  Which of us will not wonder whether our kids might be safer, educated at home?  Which of us will not ask whether Netflix is a better option than the Cineplex?

And the odds are that it will happen again, here.  Columbine is a powerful and disturbing symbol to those who need to exorcise their personal demons with weapons.  Columbine’s successors make our state all the more vulnerable.  Each instance creates its own evil offspring.

If people’s attitudes and behaviors begin to change, will our schools and our other public institutions be able to withstand this erosion of confidence?  What will be the economic consequences for the private sector?  For stores and offices that rely on the public’s feeling of security?  For businesses thinking of relocating here, skiers longing for deep powder, PhD’s eager to join our hi-tech enterprises?  Will the Red Wings, the Mets, the Patriots, the Bulls refuse to play in the Mecca of Murder?

Forcing local pocketbooks and home-grown pride to acknowledge that we are in a slow-images-2motion 9/11, symbolized by baseball caps rather than turbans, might shift the political balance in favor of meaningful action.  Otherwise, with the prospect of becoming the new Mississippi in the race to the bottom, we may be in the position of the Russian farmer who, given one wish by the genie, asks that his neighbor’s cow should die.

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In Your Dreams

04 Wednesday Dec 2013

Posted by Shiny and Spanglered in American Life, Humor, Political commentary, Satire

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dreams, health care reform, jockeys, MIchelle, naked, nightmares, Obama, Obamacare, Osama Bin Laden, pants, President, Republicans, self-delusion, shorts

images-3I’m dreaming of a … and you know the rest.  Dreams are great, but reality can be harsh:  I Want a Red Ryder, Carbine-action, 200-shot Range Model, with a Compass in the Stock … YOU’LL SHOOT YOUR EYE OUT!;  All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth … YOU SHOULD HAVE SPECIFIED HOW BIG. SORRY, BUT YOU’RE GONNA LOOK LIKE A DERANGED RABBIT;  Peace on Earth, Good Will Toward Men … OK, BUT THAT MEANS ALL MEN, FROM POPE FRANCIS TO WHITEY BULGER.

Obama knows the story.  It’s December 2002, and …

Barack:  Woo, I had the strangest dream last night …

Michelle:  Yeah?

Barack:  Well, I’m President and I’m in this really long hallway at the White House and …

Michelle:  You had me at ‘President’ …

Barack:  Yeah, it was quite a dream, so I’m in this hallway and I meet some visitors and I ask them what I should do for the country and they say, ‘Health-care reform so that everybody is part of the system and no one gets left out because they’re poor or sick, but also no one can grab a free ride and …’

Michelle:  Pretty articulate for a dream!  But, before you get carried away, were there any Republicans there?

Barack:  I’m not sure.  There was a guy with Madras pants and golf clubs.  He didn’t have any golf balls, so he wanted to use my …

Michelle:  Definitely a Republican!

Barack:  I guess so.  Anyway, this guy turns into an escalator and we ride him up to the roof where there are helicopters dropping leaflets that are really health-care sign-up forms, but, whenever someone tries to fill them in, they wrinkle up and blow away.

Michelle:  The people?

Barack:  No, no, the sign-up forms.

Michelle:  I don’t like the sound of that.

Barack:  It wasn’t a problem.  I tell the people to wish real hard, sort of like Tinkerbell, y’know, and they do and these sort-of idea-balloons appear over their heads, like in the comics, and they’re signed up, just like that.

Michelle:  What about the Republican?

Barack:  You mean the escalator?  Well, it’s funny, he turns into Osama Bin Laden.

Michelle:  We really need to get rid of that guy.

Barack:  Anyway, Bin Laden runs around with a pin popping the idea-balloons, y’know, the sign-up forms.

Michelle:  So?

Barack:  So I push him off the roof.

Michelle:  And …?

Barack:  And … well, nobody really notices.  They’re all shouting, asking what they’re signing up for, so I try to explain, but it gets dark and real windy and suddenly a hole opens up and we’re falling and I’m trying to explain, but all I can say is:  ‘Bulls 105, Knicks 87; Bulls 105, Knicks 87; Bulls 105, Knicks 87 …’  I couldn’t even get to the other scores.

Michelle:  I think you’re missing the point.  But, wait a minute.  Were you wearing pants during this whole thing?

Barack:  Well, at first, I think I was wearing Boy Scout shorts, but then I think all I had on was my jockeys.

Michelle:  I don’t like the sound of that.

Barack:  What do you think it all means?

Michelle:  Not sure.  I like the ‘President’ idea.  And the ‘pushing Bin Laden off the roof’ is good.  But the health care stuff, I dunno; sounds like it needs a lotta work.  Maybe do Bin Laden first term and save health care after you’re re-elected.

Barack:  OK.Unknown-1

Michelle:  But I’m mostly concerned about the no-pants thing. You’ve gotta wear pants!  A
President without his pants on?!  That’ll never work!

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