Rick Santorum says President Obama is a snob because he wants every American to go to college. Apparently, Santorum wants some Americans not to go to college. I wonder if he’s given any thought to whom he’d want to exclude. In case he hasn’t gotten down to those details, let me suggest that the most simple-minded way (and, by this, I mean no disrespect to Mr. Santorum) to separate the chaff from the wheat is to exclude those who are already underrepresented at our colleges and universities:
African-Americans and Hispanics — they’re not beating down the college doors, so why not just accept the situation that circumstance has handed you. Besides, if too many members of any lower socio-economic group — whatever their race or national origin — get a college education, who’s going to collect our garbage and shovel our sidewalks?
Males — they’re fading as a percentage of college students in any case, so why not just do the educational equivalent of euthanasia. Besides, if too many men got a college education, who would make Bud Light commercials for us? (A decade or two ago, this would have read, Females — their place is in the kitchen, opening a Bud Light for us guys, but college admissions has finally realized that women are smarter than men.)
Immigrants — if they had wanted to go to American colleges, they should have learned English as their first language. And if they’re illegals, they should have insisted that their parents leave them behind on the south bank of the Rio Grande.
Southern whites — no reason; just Northern prejudice. The Old South that we knew and loved has been ruined by uppity whites with their so-called “eddication.”
Children of auto workers — if “twelve-and-out” was good enough for Daddy, it should be good enough for Junior.
Aspiring politicians — who demonstrates better than Rick Santorum that college just makes you dumb as shit?